My Story: Twin Problems That Nearly Destroyed My Identity

There's a moment in every twin's life when you realize that the bond you thought was your greatest strength might actually be limiting who you're meant to become. For me, that realization came through a series of experiences that left me questioning everything about who I was as an individual versus who I was as "one half of a whole."

Today, I'm sharing two deeply personal stories about twin problems that nearly consumed my sense of self - not because they were dramatic or unusual, but because they were so quietly destructive that I almost didn't notice I was losing myself until it was nearly too late.

If you're a twin who has ever felt trapped between loyalty and authenticity, between supporting your twin and honouring yourself, these stories might feel uncomfortably familiar. And if they do, I want you to know that what I'm about to share changed everything - not just for me, but for my twin relationship too.

The Relationship Sabotage: When Love Felt Like Betrayal

 A couple of years ago, my identical twin sister and I went on holiday with our parents for my mother's 60th birthday. I had just begun seeing a new man, and the relationship was flourishing - we were both very happy with the joys and excitement of getting to know one another. However, from arriving in Madeira for my mum's birthday week away, I could tell something was different with my twin sister.

She didn't seem her usual happy self, and for the first day I tried to ignore this, fearful of bringing up a conversation while on holiday - anxious about having a discussion I worried might be connected to my new relationship and how she felt it might be changing her own thought patterns and mindset.

After the first day, she seemed still sombre and not the energetic self we should have been while on holiday with our close family, enjoying the week away in the sun and seeing the sights that the island had to offer. I knew I was messaging my new partner and feeling like I was on cloud nine while my sister seemed the complete opposite, and it was then that I began to play my feelings down.

Not wanting to come across as this shining star or talk about him too much for fear that it would upset her further, I found myself holding back my own joy, my own emotions, because I believed that keeping her happy and smiling was more important than being authentically myself. This emotional suppression became a constant internal struggle - the kind of identity crisis many twins face when individual happiness feels like twin betrayal.

Even when my parents asked about my new relationship, I would keep the answers short and sweet, not engaging in full conversation so as not to take the light out of my sister's eyes further. I would sneak exciting conversations with my mum when we were alone to fill her in on what was happening and how I felt, just so my sister wouldn't see the joy and happiness that she wasn't experiencing herself.

By mid-week we sat in our room that evening and I asked her if she was okay, though I already knew the answer. She said she was feeling low, confused about life and where her journey was taking her - which was understandable. She wanted me to be happy, and although she didn't directly say she was upset because of my new relationship, we both knew that some of what was going on was connected to that.

The rest of the week went by celebrating my mum's birthday with amazing hikes, tours, and memories made. My sister did perk up a little, but I knew underneath she still wasn't her usual self. My parents thought everything was good and they were having a great time away, as were we, but from being so closely connected to my twin sister, I knew just from being in her space that something was still amiss.

This was one of the times I felt most acutely like I was losing my own identity - having to hide in the shadow of my sister's feelings, unable to let out the emotions I was experiencing for myself, always putting her first. It's what many call twin codependency, and it was suffocating me without either of us realizing it.

I felt that each time I messaged or phoned my new potential love interest, I had to do so in secret. My messages to him were getting shorter for fear that I wasn't focusing on my sister enough, or that she'd feel as though I was abandoning her for someone else whose company I was enjoying more than being present with her in the moment on holiday.

I began to feel as though not being in contact with him at all would be easier, even as he was messaging me more, wanting to know about my day and share in those first few months of getting to know someone. I felt myself withdrawing for no other reason than wanting to make my sister happy first and foremost over anything else. It was such a mind game and anxiety-filled week that by the end, I think we were both happy to be going home so we could have our own personal space to think things over and have a real conversation.

And we did. We had a good chat when we got home and both got on the same page, understanding that we would deal with what life throws at us together as we always do - openly and happily for one another. But looking back now, I know that with the help this powerful approach could have given us back then, it would have made the entire process much smoother and easier for us both to have the confidence to speak our true feelings and be authentically ourselves rather than walking on eggshells.

The conflict in my own mind about what to do was constantly playing on repeat. I wanted to find love and be with someone who made me happy, but it felt as though I had to give up the most beautiful twin love in order to have romantic love in my life. A seriously challenging time that mixed joy with discomfort, love with sadness, living with letting go - all in the same space, which for an identical twin feels raw on levels others just can't understand.

The Mirror Prison: When Her Growth Felt Like My Failure

The second story involves what I now call "the mirror prison" - that suffocating feeling when your twin begins to change or grow in ways that make you question your own worth and identity.

My twin sister wanted to try a new hobby to help keep her fit physically and mentally, which was amazing for her. Her hobby of running started as a little side exercise she'd do every now and again. Recently, she began to take it more seriously, and I began to feel emotions that made me feel left behind - a common experience in twin comparison patterns.

Don't get me wrong, we both have hobbies we enjoy, but when it came to the physical element, I knew her body would be changing in a way mine wasn't. I knew she'd be gaining muscle and losing fat, which made me question my own body and how I should look, and how we would begin to look different - her becoming healthier while I was left behind looking the same.

For my mental state, it began to play on my mind far more than it would if she was just a sister or friend. She is my twin sister, and knowing I was going to become "the unhealthy one" was scaring me to death. This fear of growing apart physically triggered deep-seated beliefs about twin identity and sameness that I didn't even know I carried.

I was working random shift patterns, and when my twin sister was planning to go running in the mornings, I knew I wouldn't be able to go with her. I knew I'd be losing out on that hour of exercise she was having. I knew her body would be changing while mine wasn't. And yes, it really affected my self-esteem.

While she was happy to tell me about her running and how she'd achieved her fastest mile yet, I was externally happy for her and jumping for joy at her improvement, while inside I was worrying about myself and how I'd catch up with her. Truth be told, I didn't even like the concept of running as exercise, but missing out on time with her and doing something together while getting the same results bothered me more than I let on.

There were some mornings where I did go running with her to enjoy the short runs and time talking, seeing the morning together as the sun rose, the deer ran across the fields, and the dew lifted from the ground in the summer heat. But overall, I knew it wasn't my thing, wasn't my hobby, wasn't my life choice to be making which really made me step back and think about who I am as an individual.

By this time, this powerful hypnotherapy approach was part of my life, and I was able to use the tools on myself to really see what was going on in my subconscious blueprint - why these thoughts, feelings, emotions, and actions were affecting my life so much. This twin identity work became the key to my change.

When I was able to come from a place of understanding and authenticity for myself, I could rewire and update the outdated beliefs I had surrounding the need to be the same, to perform the same, to be identical in all areas of our relationship and lives. This shifted into becoming the best cheerleader for my twin sister to go and smash her goals in an area she wanted to push herself, while allowing me to step back, regain my focus in other areas, and understand that what she likes doesn't mean I have to like.

The same way I meditate twice daily pretty much religiously, but that doesn't mean she has to do the same or even has the desire to. It's been a real awakening for us both to see, step back, evaluate, and make new decisions and choices to grow in our own lives.

Understanding the Subconscious: Why We Think the Same Thoughts Every Day

What I learned through this approach is that our minds operate on automatic patterns - and for twins, these patterns can become particularly limiting. A fundamental key that keeps us stuck in our emotional responses is that the mind loves repetition and sticks with it.

Every day, we think approximately 60,000-80,000 thoughts, and research shows that 95% of these are exactly the same thoughts we had yesterday. This means we're literally thinking ourselves into the same emotional states, the same reactions, and the same limitations day after day without conscious awareness.

For twins, this repetition often includes thoughts like:

• "I need to consider how this affects my twin before making any decision"

• "If my twin isn't happy, I can't be truly happy either"

• "We should be achieving similar things at similar times"

• "My twin's emotions are my responsibility"

These weren't conscious choices - they were learned patterns that my subconscious mind had made familiar through years of repetition. The mind always moves toward what is familiar, not necessarily what is healthy or growth-promoting.

 Another crucial rule: The mind cannot hold conflicting beliefs in the same space. This is why I felt so torn between wanting romantic love and maintaining my twin bond, or between celebrating my individuality and preserving our sameness. My subconscious believed these things were mutually exclusive.

But here's what this method taught me: What the mind expects tends to be realized. If I expected that my growth meant my twin's diminishment, that's exactly what my mind would create evidence for. If I expected that loving someone else meant betraying my twin, my behaviour would align with that expectation.

How This Approach Changed Everything

Through this powerful hypnotherapy method, I was able to access the specific moments in my subconscious where these limiting beliefs were first formed. I discovered that many of these twin codependency patterns weren't even mine originally - they were learned responses from observing how others reacted to us as twins, how we were treated as a unit rather than individuals, and protective mechanisms I developed to keep our bond safe.

The change didn't happen by forcing new thoughts or trying to think positively. Instead, this approach allowed me to understand the original purpose these beliefs served, appreciate the younger me who created them for protection, and then consciously choose new beliefs that serve who I am today.

Now, instead of thinking "My twin's success diminishes me," I think "My twin's success inspires and celebrates the potential in both of us." Instead of "I must dim my light to keep my twin comfortable," I believe "My authentic joy gives my twin permission to shine authentically too."

The most beautiful part? When I changed these subconscious patterns, it didn't damage our twin relationship - it elevated it to a level I never imagined possible. We moved from unconscious codependency to conscious choice, from limitation to empowerment, from fear-based loyalty to love-based support.

Many More Twin Problems That Have Impacted My Identity

There are so many more examples of how twin problems - or as I prefer to call them, twin co-dependencies have affected my identity growing up. I'll continue exploring more of these as I blog and come to terms with their impact, using these powerful tools to revisit these scenes in my subconscious and understand how and why I felt the way I did, so I can rewrite those beliefs and move into my present life with new understanding and blueprints.

This change can happen in as little as one session, and with the right after-session care and commitment from both therapist and client, I can now come from a place of love, truth, authenticity, and support for both my personal individual life and that of my twin sister - making us the most formidable team possible.

Now my twin sister supports me by joining my side on this life path to help so many other twins in this beautiful world unlock their incredible potential too.

Your Twin Problems Don't Define You - They're Doorways to Growth

If you see yourself in these stories - if you've experienced the relationship sabotage, the mirror prison, or any of the countless other ways twin bonds can become unconsciously limiting - please know that acknowledging these patterns isn't a betrayal of your twin relationship. It's the first step toward making it extraordinary.

Your twin problems aren't character flaws or signs of unhealthy attachment. They're natural responses to the unique experience of sharing your existence with another soul from conception. But just because they're natural doesn't mean they have to be permanent.

The subconscious beliefs driving these patterns were formed when you were young and needed them for safety and connection. Today, as conscious adults, you have the power to choose new beliefs that honour both your individuality and your twin bond.

This approach isn't about fixing what's broken - it's about unlocking what's already extraordinary within you and your twin relationship. It's about shifting unconscious limitation into conscious choice, fear-based loyalty into love-based partnership

If you're ready to discover who you are when you're not limited by outdated twin programming, when you can love your twin freely because you choose to rather than because you're afraid not to, then maybe it's time we talked.

Ready to shift your twin challenges into your greatest superpowers? Book a discovery call today and let's explore how this powerful approach can unlock the extraordinary twin relationship that's waiting for you both.

---

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.